Hilary – The 40 over 40 Women’s Portrait Campaign

Hilary, 52 

I’m well into photographing the 40 over 40 Women’s Portrait Campaign! It has been going so well, and to date, I’ve done 8 shoots already! For those that are new to my blog, and who may have stumbled onto this post, the portrait campaign is about celebrating 40 incredible women (on their own, or with their moms or daughters)  in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and over, for an empowering, fun, and transformational magazine-style photoshoot experience. I began with it in July this year and it will run until June 2022 next year. It will conclude with a special finale of a limited edition printed magazine  AND gallery exhibition in Cape Town in July, with all the women showcased in both!

” I believe that real beauty is celebrating what makes us different.

And that it doesn’t diminish with age. I know we all have a story to share.

And I want to celebrate YOU and your story.”

I had an amazing day in the studio with Hilary and her daughters Bella and Suede, who decided to join her for the ‘40 over 40 Women’s Portrait Campaign.’  They wanted a Frida Kahlo-inspired shoot, and the talented Andre from Purity Flowers and Gifts, made flower crowns for Bella and Suede.

As it was a girl’s day and photoshoot, her dad, and her son Adrian (who I kept referring to as her ‘brother’!) just popped in at the start for a few photos. Adrian brought his 2 sons, so I could get a few family photos in too.

For the campaign, each woman is given a PDF of questions to answer sharing their favourite poems or quotes and some life lessons. Here are some special words shared by Hilary.

I have been described by my friends and family as…

Strong, Independent, Sassy, Intelligent, Goddess, Warrior, Kind and Loving, and brutally honest.  And her besties have added that she is FEARLESS, determined, resolute, indomitable, spirited, confident, bold, audacious, valiant, brave, lionhearted, courageous, heroic, spunky, and feisty, Insightful, Wise, Self-styled, brutally honest, full of love, imperfect. That’s quite an incredible list and one of the perks of my job! I get to meet inspiring women like Hilary.  Her 3 children, Adrian, Bella, and Suede describe their mom as a kind, funny, kind-hearted warrior Goddess, strong, independent, and caring.  And it’s clear how much they adore her. Hilary is a loving friend and mother – dedicated to her children and grandchildren. She is the apple of her father’s eye and he hers. She is a selfless charitable creature always giving and helping those less fortunate, whether it be man or beast. She fearlessly confronts and lives life with passion. Hills is a true inspiration to this day, in every way and this is how I would describe her – “We need women who are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free.”

From her dad – “Hilary is the daughter every father needs. She has a strong character and is very positive about what she does. She does not accept anything less than 100%. She is like a lioness with protection and love for her family. She is fun-loving and adventurous and enjoys laughter.”

I am most proud of…

Single motherhood, my three most amazing children, and being a granny. Leaving 2 dysfunctional marriages. Overcoming addiction and depression…now Living a mindful life by creating my own sunshine.

My children: Adrian is super bright and intelligent, with an honors degree in Computer Science. He has achieved so much in his career and is off to head up the  European operations of his current SA employer, as CEO based in Amsterdam. He is emigrating on 6^th December 2021. He is strong and dependable, and serious. But has a kind gentle compassionate heart. Adrian is married to Jane, and he has two beautiful boys Noah and Gabriel who were adopted as babies. He loves his rescue dogs, Wyatt and Wifi.

Suede is my creative Indigo child. She sensitive with the softest gentlest heart.  Her love of tattoos, all over her body – expresses exactly who she is.    Strong but gentle and always looking to have fun. She will always be the biggest mommy’s girl.

Bella is my water baby. She was born in a water bath, and her love of water has only intensified with life. She is an active and passionate water sports girl, participating in club swimming, club water polo and club lifesaving. As her first tattoo reads – “the ocean connects me” – that truly personifies her. Bella knows exactly what she wants to achieve with her life, and nothing will stop her. Her dreams and goals are all mapped out.  She is a HUGE Formula One fanatic.  She is also strong and independent, but kind and caring.

I am beyond SUPER PROUD of my beautiful three children.

My favourite quotes…

Let Go Let God – recovery mantra – and it’s tattooed big and bold across both my arms

Love her but leave her wild – Atticus

“I am not everything that has ever happened to me.

I am everything I became while I healed.

Stronger but softer.

Focused but not obsessed.

A teacher but still a student

I am not broken

I am beautiful

I am a survivor”

What advice would I give my 20-year-old self…

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t be so serious. Don’t worry about other people’s opinions of you. Don’t settle for less

Travel, go on adventures, take calculated risks, live life fully before settling down and getting married and having children  – definitely not before Age 30

Self- Love is everything – your needs are the most important. Laugh at yourself.  Live passionately and with purpose.  Trust your gut feel and intuition – it’s always right

Failure isn’t a bad thing – see it as a lesson to learn and grow.  Always keep learning and growing – as Stephen Covey says – “sharpen your saw”

Feel your emotions and then let them go – bad emotions make you sick.

We have many lives in this one lifetime…

OMG – too many to mention.

My forties were so painful but so liberating.

I left an emotionally abusive marriage of 13 years, where I was so co-dependent that I lost my soul and sanity

The early forties were hard years after leaving my abusive marriage – I spent four months in rehab for drug addiction.

Lost my sanity, and was diagnosed with such severe depression that I was highly medicated to keep myself safe and alive.

I was on temporary disability for 18 months.

I lost custody of Suede for 4 years. Suede returned to my life when she finished matric. She will always be my very special baby girl, as her dad left us suddenly when I was 6 months pregnant with her. Suede and I are extremely close.

I had no idea what my authenticity was – or who I was. But with several years of therapy, I slowly started finding myself again. Found my authenticity along the way, and slowly started winning the fight with addiction.

2016 was a profound year: I went on a Goddess retreat in Greece (Sept 2016), and my entire being shifted.

I took myself off my depression meds (Sept 2016), had energy healing sessions to release all the stagnant pain in my body and mind, and started a daily Indian Ayurvedic self-care routine.

I have never looked back!!!!

Turning 50 in October 2018 – I celebrated in Paris with my best friend from high school. I felt free, at peace, and liberated.

BTW – I ended a 6-year relationship in May 2018 – with a full-blown narcissist ….too long a story to go there.  I released him with love to the universe.

 My thoughts on aging…

I love my age, my body, and my mind – in my fifties. It can only get better.

I would love to be an advocate for aging naturally gracefully – I love my natural silver hair, and I am wrinkle-free. This is all ME – REAL and GENUINE

With my age, I have accepted where I am in my life, and my past – I am at complete peace with myself.

My journey to get here is part of my story of life – I have lived fully with no regrets.

A story I’d like to share…

I was the teenage pregnant story – I had Adrian 5 days after turning 19. I have been judged for that and judged many times over for being an addict – to the point that my own siblings cut me off when I relapsed. But I overcame addiction, and I rose from the ashes like a phoenix.

I was a serious corporate girl in the investment industry in my twenties and early thirties, flying around the world to seminars, etc – but it didn’t make me happy.

I started working for myself in 2006 at the age of 38, and I have never looked back. Self-employed, single motherhood is not for sissies, but I wouldn’t change it.

I had a foster child for 5 years in my forties. I have being a “mom” to several other children other than my own – some are grown up now, but I am still in contact with them. And I am extremely proud of what they have achieved. And I am currently “mom” to an 18-year-old young woman who is raising her siblings on her own.

I am actively involved with three NGO safe-houses and childrens’ homes in my area.

Goals and dreams…

I want to grow old in a little village in Europe or on the Mediterranean – surrounded by baby goats with bells, cats, and my garden, living a simple but joyful life  – surrounded by my children and grandchildren – and still traveling to exciting places.

And of course – I will still write the book that everyone is begging me to write.

When I was at the Goddess Retreat in Greece in 2016 – a wonderful elderly woman who took me on a hiking trip to monasteries – told me “Don’t ask yourself where do you want to live – ask yourself where do you want to grow old?” Such true words.

I would love to do St Francis Camino from Florence to Rome.

Hair and Makeup by the lovely Donna Hay